Demons.............

Lately my demons have not been quiet and quelling them seems to have been a full time workout..... ah the joys of being a Walsh to my core! But really it doesn't suck totally as long as I recognize the warning signs.....sarcasm above and beyond springs well actually leaps to the forefront...... It just feels as if I'm on overdrive.......with no brake in sight. Just needed to jot these words, feeling down in the hopes that putting them out into the universe would somehow absorb them........I can handle it but just with lots of quiet reflective time....... Being a Walsh never ceases to amaze me.......

Insomnia

It seems another Walsh trait is insomnia......or maybe that's just me. I've been thinking a lot lately about being a Walsh . Being a Walsh just that statement alone sounds ominous but it explains and muddles so much. I'm sitting here at 4:51 am staring at a computer screen and trying to type somewhat intelligent sentences and not sure if it even matters. Ah there it is......whatever it is! I had a good childhood I was told I smiled a lot......it was just the code that was instilled in us since birth and I mean that in a good way. I have so many memories running around in my head and just not sure this blog is ready for them. This is not the place to exercise my demons but maybe it is after all Walsh's know about demons real or imagined. I was always trying to please someone and it never felt like I did and now I'm the daughter that dared live. Ha now that needs some explaining but if you've read this blog at all it already has been. My lot in life is being a disappointment to my parents and they informed me of this on several occasions ...I have learned that I am not it was just their perception of me not meeting the Walsh standard......I am my own person and that was a affront to them I mean how dare I be my own person.

Woeful

Oh my goodness this blog has been oh so woefully neglected, With all of us going on about our lives..... I feel like I've fallen down a rabbit hole when I come here...so much to say and just not sure of what I want to say......except of course that being involved with a "Walsh" is an ongoing learning process one which I am happy to say my hubby is finally getting! He stopped asking for the manual since he woke up and realized there never was one! He handles my mother like a charm and that even amazes me............

A Memory....

Yesterday marked 19 years that my sister left this earth and it seems like yesterday! I couldn't imagine at the time making through a day without her and now it's been 19 years! She was my older sister and my mirror in so many ways. I now strive to honor her memory and make her proud of me! It's because of her that I learned to stitch and not a day goes by without me thinking of her sometimes several times a day! She was truly amazing in so many ways but I have written of her before on my blog and just wanted to remember her here at this time of year... I once heard that it takes a lot to get over a loss of this magnitude but I always felt that you never ever get over the loss you just learn to incorporate it into your life...I know I have and I know she'd be proud of the person I have become because quite honestly after she left I had to redefine myself in almost every way since my mirror was gone. There is a line from the book My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult that goes like this..."Without her it's hard to remember who I am" and that was me 19 years ago....and sometimes that feeling sneaks back up on me when I least expect it.........

Quiet

Well it's been a bit quiet around here lately! Not sure why but it is what it is. One Walsh who I'm sure would love this blog is our sister/Aunt Maureen. Though I am convinced that she is watching bemusedly from wherever she is. Either that or making eggplant parmagian with our mother. We have joked that she busier in the afterlife than in she ever was in this life. But she deserves the rest no matter how much we may miss her! But I'm positive she'd have her say about being a Walsh..... more later

Amazing

I want to flood this page with words and sometimes the right words don't flow.........being a Walsh isn't special or unique or even require talent for that matter (though some may disagree). For me it's more of a state of mind and at times difficult but always challenging! I have said in a previous post that I wondered what I did wrong in a previous life and that's still pretty much true but this week not so much! My brother came for a visit and then my niece and I surprised him with her visit. I had an amazing week with them! Although my husband might have thought otherwise...... Simply said when you get 2 Walshes in one room we have our own communication and then with 3 it's as if we don't need to speak but watch out when we do.....we tend to feed off of each other and it's a beautiful thing....much like a collective personality that my niece mentioned in an earlier post! It must be the conditioning we all received at a young age or else something completely metaphysical.....

To be a Walsh

To be a Walsh..over the years I've thought long and hard about this! I mean it's not like I had any choice in the matter... at round about my mid to late 30's I often wondered what horrible deed I could have possibly committed in a previous life to draw the Walsh card! I came up with nothing but just figured that I was working something out....You see in my last post I stated rather vaguely that I grew up with "conditional" love in that I mean that everything had to be proved to my parents especially to mother.....but I don't want this to be a bashing. She was working with what she had...... And there were good memories all along the way....

Okay here's a "quirk" I picked up from my sister.....the sugar and spoon must be in the cup before the water is poured over the teabag..not a biggie you think...well just wait till it's not done exactly that way.....calls for a new cup of tea made the way I want and don't even try to remove the teabag before I drink it...it stays in the whole time!!! And while I'm divulging the teacup better be huge.......
More later......

hmmm....being a Walsh

I never worried too much, growing up, about being a "Walsh." Mainly cause I considered that the kiss of death. Seriously.Who wanted to be a "Walsh"? Nobody I knew. And certainly no-one in their right mind. But then I got married to this amazing woman who made me examine every aspect of my life. Luckily she's still a friend. And I learned. And I grew. And I still did baby shit. Just, hopefully, less frequently. And I took some blows. I lost a sister.I lost my best friend.I went bankrupt. I received the gift of two amazing daughters who actually let me into their lives. I wanted to make sure it wasn't all --this, my life -- unexamined.
The point is....I became comfortable as a "Walsh." I began to see a certain strength and laughter there. I got a chance to build a school and do the work I truly love. I found a sister. Had another great relationship -- although it didn't work either. Never mind. One will. Got to continue to be a presence in my girls lives. Still had my best friend.
And continue to examine what being a "Walsh" means. I'm just ok with being one now.

another day

I had a good sleep and here I am..... Now in reference to the instruction manual...He Never Got One.....I do make him work for it!!! Simply cause I'm worth it and the notion of an instruction manual is abhorrent to me. I have lots of quirks that I picked up along the way that make me well me! And as Caitlin said it's nice to know that someone else thinks like you...I like the collective personality reference as well. Its somehow comforting.
Now to address the Walsh Way a bit more......after lots of therapy and soul searching I realized years ago that I grew up with "conditional love" from my parents..it's who they were and what they learned from their parents but there it is a biggie for me which only clarified things for me..........and I was able to move on from there quirks and all!

Yep

the windmills are a Don Quixote reference. Nice going MW!

Technically, the "Walsh Way" came about courtesy of my aunt's husband.  Besides the fact that it's kinda catchy , we liked it because it basically summed up what we've been hearing forever from people who know us well.  "Of course you did that, you're a Walsh."  As if being a Walsh compels us to act a certain way.   And maybe it does.  It's kind of an interesting thing to think about - a family having a collective personality, to a certain extent at least.  And we're certainly a good example of that - just ask anyone who knows more than one of us.  I kind of like it though. At the very least, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one thinks like me :)

And I'm sorry, but what's a windmill Dad?  That's a new one..

windmills, part deux

I know some of my sister's windmills....and know all too many of my own............although the ones to tilt at are the ones no-one else sees.....just you....and then it becomes a journey.....walsh's don't come with instruction manuals the way some people do...we eschew them....sneer at them.....you need me to give you a manual to understand me??? you gotta want it......prove that.....celebrate that.....and blindly commit......it's an all or nothing gambit....remember Bono's "gimme what I want and nobody gets hurt?"....now you got it......

Instruction Manual ??

I have been pondering a post to this blog for a few days now and of course Brian broke the ice with the first one..seems right though! I know of windmills in many varying forms that they take......Let me just say that hubby came up with the idea for this since for as long as I've known him he has been asking for an "instruction manual" for me. I don't think I'm that hard to understand but then again maybe I am.

Caitlin recently visited and it was born then the idea to have us all contribute and it just felt right! A way to keep in touch and figure out just what The Walsh Way actually is..............I see many posts and lots of laughter about it and maybe even a few tears.....after all for as long as I can remember whether we verbalized it or not we all know about The Walsh Way simply because it is what makes us tick so to speak! I think that's enough for now......................

Windmills

Okay.....this is too much like "virgin" snow.....a blog with no posts....here goes.....to be a "Walsh" means to tilt at windmills.....even if no-one else can see them.....because they're there. We see them.